My dad would have been 81 years old today. It is a curious thought actually, especially considering that he has been dead for twice as long as I knew him and I am now older than he was when he died. It is hard to imagine him being in his eighties, most likely because my memories of him are pretty faded by now. After all these years I have realized that I don’t think of him very often any more and I would think that he is no longer much of an influence in my life. While he did teach me some valuable lessons which I still carry with me, but many of them, now that I am older than him, are really examples to avoid. I don’t mean that as a criticism of him, but more as a recognition of his fallible humanity. And the more I recognize and accept that in him the more I can accept and recognize that in me. Now that I have kids of my own, two of them older than I was when he died, there are plenty of times I want to say to them (and a few times when I have said) “for the loνe of the gods and goddesses, please learn from my mistakes and don’t do as I did (and in some cases still do).” My dad and I never had a chance to have an adult relationship but I would like to think that he would say the same thing to me.
Even after all this time though, I continue to be surprised by the occasional expressions and mannerisms that I use which were his through and through. Or by the fact that I have forgotten so much about him but I can remember one of his favorite snacks: A slice of χωριάτικο (in the US we would call it french) bread, with anchovy paste, tomato paste (both from tubes, like toothpaste ones) and a thick slice of feta cheese.
He also did have some quirky sayings, a number of which are still with me. One that comes to me a lot lately went something like “αν n γιαγιά μου είχε ρόδες θά ήταν πατίνι” (if my grandmother had wheels she would be a scooter). Yeah, it only really makes sense if you knew him. But I hear that in my head every time I find myself stuck in one of those “if only” or ‘what if” scenarios that our brains like to take long vacations in.
In the end one of the better lessons I am still learning from him is to live the life that I have, not the life I wish I had or the one I think I ought to have. And not to beat myself up when I come up short. Because not only this is the only life we get, we never know how long we have it for.
Χρόνια σου πολλά Nτίμη.